Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
