so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
