I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
