Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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