I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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