i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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