I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
