my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
