3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
