Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
