chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
where are my eyebrows?
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