Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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