New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
