PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
