I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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