New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
