he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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