whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
