we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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