There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
