Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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