FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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