Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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