i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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