Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
