Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
