I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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