so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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