my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
