How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So many bounce houses so little time
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
