If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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