Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
