dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
