My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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