We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
