saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
