this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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