I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
