when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
