pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
