You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
