do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
