its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
