Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your penis caused this!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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