I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
