Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
