her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
