"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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