In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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