Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
